Change of plans (I’m not pregnant)

My friend Dayna and I were just talking about how we have to begin conversations by saying “I’m not pregnant.” This is a common assumption. So no, the change of plans is not that we’re pregnant.

The news is that we are no longer adopting from Azerbaijan. We have sent in our application for Ethiopia!

A few months ago we were trying to decide on a country and Ethiopia was not accepting new applications. However, we recently found out they are accepting new applicants again. So there you have it, just like that.

We knew when we first started thinking about this that it would be a very fluid and changing process. We did not begin with specifics in mind. We were taking it slow and waiting for opportunities to appear or disappear, knowing only that we should adopt. I’m sure more changes will happen along the way and I pray we have the patience, faith and courage to do our part and at the same time get out of the way and let God do His thing. Can’t go wrong if that’s the plan.

Raising that Awareness

Two Sundays ago was Orphan Sunday and November is Adoption Month. On Orphan Sunday churches and organizations hosted events to raise awareness for orphan care both locally and internationally. These events are great opportunities to tell everyone about the needs that are all around us!

Also, very sad.

If you missed an Orphan Sunday event you’re in the right place. This post is filled with facts to tug at your heart’s strings. Kids are precious. They all need love. Adults do too, but kids need it a little more. Orphan Sunday and Adoption Month are about family.

Orphan Facts and Statistics: (taken from the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute)

In the U.S. 400,540 children are living without permanent families in the foster care system.  115,000 of these children are eligible for adoption, but nearly 40% of these children will wait over three years in foster care before being adopted.

Source: AFCARS Report, No. 19

Around the world, there are an estimated 153 million orphans who have lost one parent.  There are 17,900,000 orphans who have lost both parents and are living in orphanages or on the streets and lack the care and attention required for healthy development.  These children are at risk for disease, malnutrition, and death.

Source: UNICEF and Childinfo

No child under three years of age should be placed in institutional care without a parent or primary caregiver.  This is based on results from 32 European countries, including nine in-depth country studies, which considered the “risk of harm in terms of attachment disorder, developmental delay and neural atrophy in the developing brain.”

Source: Mapping the Number and Characteristics of Children Under Three in Institutions Across Europe at Risk of Harm: Executive Summary

Children raised in orphanages have an IQ 20 points lower than their peers in foster care, according to a meta-analysis of 75 studies (more than 3,800 children in 19 countries).  This shows the need for children to be raised in families, not in institutions.

Source: IQ of Children Growing Up in Children’s Homes A Meta-Analysis on IQ Delays in Orphanages 

Each year, over 27,000 youth “age out” of foster care without the emotional and financial support necessary to succeed.  This number has steadily risen over the past decade.  Nearly 40% had been homeless or couch surfed, nearly 60% of young men had been convicted of a crime, and only 48% were employed.  75% of women and 33% of men receive government benefits to meet basic needs.  50% of all youth who aged out were involved in substance use and 17% of the females were pregnant.

Source: Fostering Connections

Nearly 25% of youth aging out did not have a high school diploma or GED, and a mere 6% had finished a two- or four-year degree after aging out of foster care.  One study shows 70% of all youth in foster care have the desire to attend college.

Source: Midwest Evaluation of the Adult Functioning of Former Foster Youth

Over three years is the average length of time a child waits to be adopted in foster care.  Roughly 55% of these children have had three or more placements.  An earlier study found that 33% of children had changed elementary schools five or more times, losing relationships and falling behind educationally.

Source: AFCARS Report, No. 19

Adopted children make-up roughly 2% of the total child population under the age of 18, but 11% of all adolescents referred for therapy have been adopted.  Post-adoption services are important to all types of adoption, whether foster care adoption, international adoption, or domestic infant adoption.

Source: Behavior Problems and Mental Health Contacts in Adopted, Foster and Nonadopted Children

These stats are so sad. Every child should have a family. I am thankful for the people who work toward this goal every day.

Here is an awesome story of adoption that a friend sent me this week. Read or watch the video below.

Here are some more resources from the Christian Alliance for Orphans specifically for Orphan Sunday. I encourage you to do some research this month and learn more about the needs in your community and in your world. People need you!

This is an orphan elephant. Not as important as an orphan child, but still freakin’ adorable.

Cash Money

We do not have thousands of dollars sitting around. We rent an apartment, we both work full time, we have debt (student loans mostly) and we have to feed this one . . .*

We have had to find ways to save more money each month in order to fund our adoption. We know it will absolutely be worth it in the end so we try not to let the costs scare us. We can save/raise/borrow the money we need to adopt but in order to really save a significant amount some things had to change.

The first change was to realize that our money is not ours- nothing in this world is ours. It belongs to God who provides for us. He gave us this desire to adopt, He will give us the resources we need, and He will teach us how to manage the money we have in order to be able to do what He has called us to do.

“For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.” 1 Timothy 6:7- 8

Here are some ways we’ve been saving money in the last few months.

Cash Budget.

We went through our budget and calculated what was left after bills, savings, tithe, groceries, etc. We then gave ourselves an allowance. It seems weird to be in our late twenties/early thirties and married and be given an allowance, but it works.

I personally found when I had cash that had to last two weeks, I made much better decisions about how to spend it. I no longer felt like I needed “just a few things” from the store, or a new pair of shoes, or that candle, new curtains, or nail polish. I found I had been in the habit of buying things because in that moment I thought I really had to have them. Saving for something important puts those things in perspective and back on the shelf. If I wanted something I had to save for it. I had to spend less on something today in order to buy something better tomorrow. And it really worked! We were able to put HUNDREDS more into savings since implementing a cash money system.

Since then we haven’t had a physical cash budget but we have realized what our spending habits were and living like that is not going to help us achieve the goals we now have. Clothing, accessories, home goods, and going out to dinner are not our priorities. Yet, before the cash system it appeared that they were.

Cutting Corners: Haircuts

I went to get my haircut last weekend at a place that offers very low prices for services. I won’t tell you the name of the place, but it has the word “cuttery” in the title. When I get my haircut (every 6 months to a year) I either a) cut it myself or b) go to a place like this. When I a) cut it myself, the next time I go I am always asked “So . . . who cut your hair last?” And I can tell they are waiting for me to tell them my 7 year old niece did it. Tutorial on DIY haircut to follow. Usually when I b) go to a chain that offers low prices I am happy with the haircut. It isn’t fancy, but I don’t really care.

THIS time, I came home from my haircut and saw

Yikes.

I snipped it off and moved on, happy to have saved $40-60. Will I go back? Absolutely. It’s like 2 blocks away!

Then there was Uncle Roger’s haircut. His hair was quickly approaching dreads. Not that dreadlocks are bad- I have a friend who has them and it looks awesome! But it’s pretty bad for a dog to have such matted down hair. Who knows what’s living in there? What a cozy little place for a number of bugs or small rodents. It had to go.

We cut his hair ourselves. The last time we got him groomed it was $150. Except that one time, we’ve given him baths, cleaned his ears and clipped his nails ourselves.

We basically took Tye’s electric razor and put a #3 guard on it . . . then later had to take the guard off to get in closer to his skin. I’ve cut Tye’s hair before and I didn’t think it would be that difficult to cut the dog’s. But it was. It looks awful. I think this haircut was the wrong move.

 

And that was after we “fixed” it. Luckily he has no idea how bad he looks. And we saved $150! Next time we’ll try a Chicago skyline fade.

Thrifting.

This makes much more since when you actually find something you NEED at a thrift store. These items are just things I found that were significantly discounted from the original prices.

Though we are on a tight budget I still love to shop (when I’m in the mood to shop). Thrift stores give me the opportunity to shop, buy fun things for my house and spend a very small amount of money. And Chicago has some really great thrift stores! Who doesn’t love to treasure hunt?

One more verse about money.

“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”  Hebrews 13:5

*It actually doesn’t cost much to feed a Newfie. They are very low energy, low metabolism and do not eat as much as some think. We go through a 35lb bag of dog food every 3-4 weeks, usually costing $30-40. So that was a joke. Someone once asked “How much does he eat?!” and the guy next to him said “One small dog a day.” I loved that.

Adoption in the Media

Adoption is everywhere!

When we decided to adopt we started seeing it more. It’s like when you get a red car and then notice how many other red cars there are. Except more serious than that. And we don’t have a red car, but we do have a wagon and we notice the other wagons now. That should have been the original example.

We all know media has a great affect on us so for me it is encouraging to see celebrities adopt and to see adoption stories in movies and sitcoms. I hope it leads to more people feeling like adoption is a possibility, even if the story is silly like some of these.

Remember Joey’s recommendation letter in Friends? “Baby Kangaroo Tribiani”

And how about this Lion King announcement from Modern Family? Can we picture Tye doing this? I love Phil’s comment.

I love these parents in Easy A.

This is a scene from Despicable Me. Isn’t Agnes (little Krista Smith (my baby sister)) adorable? I do wish our house was made of gummy bears.

And here is a great scene from What to Expect When You’re Expecting which I said I wouldn’t watch until we’re closer to expecting. I still haven’t seen it, but I found this clip. Grab a tissue.

Tear-jerker, right?

As far as celebrity adoptions are concerned, I think we all know who wins the spot in this blog.

Brad and Angelina

Good for them! I love seeing celebrities adopt. I don’t think it’s for publicity or to look cool. They already look cool! They have no one to impress. I believe most celebrities are adopting because they see the need and they want to help.

Tye was at the Atlanta airport last week and saw a family with TEN adopted children! If we had the money some of these celebrities do I think that would be a great way to spend it.

Curious about which celebrities were adopted? Lucky for you I have a list right here.

Marilyn Monroe (actress)
Moses (biblical leader) I was a little shocked that this was on the list. More biblical characters should be considered celebrities…
Mother Teresa (humanitarian)
Michael Bay (director)
Ingrid Bergman (actress)
Augustus Caesar (emporer of Rome)
Harry Caray (baseball broadcaster)
Kristin Chenoweth (actress)
Eric Clapton (singer)
President Bill Clinton
Nat King Cole (singer)
Gary Coleman (actor)
Daunte Culpepper (professional football)
Ted Danson (actor, adopted child and adoptive father)
President Gerald Ford
Jamie Foxx (singer, actor)
Tim Green (professional football)
Melissa Gilbert (actress)
Newt Gingrich (politician)
Faith Hill (singer)
Scott Hamilton (professional skater)
John Hancock (U.S. Founding Father)
Jesse Jackson (politician)

Super long list. Plus I deleted people I didn’t recognize. Here are more.

Steve Jobs (co-founder of Apple)
John Lennon (singer)
Allan “apl.de.ap” Pineda Lindo, jr. (singer, member of Black Eyed Peas)
Greg Louganis (Olympic Gold Medal Diver)
Malcolm X (human rights activist)
Lee Majors (actor)
Nelson Mandela (human rights activist)
Nimmy March (actress)
James MacArthur (actor)
Darryl “D.M.C.” McDaniels (musician)
Frances McDormand (actress)
Tim McGraw (singer)
Sarah McLachlan (singer)
Tom Monaghan (founder of Domino’s Pizza, owner of Detroit Tigers)
Michael Oher (professional football, story inspired The Blind Side)
Jim Palmer (professional baseball)
Aaron Parchem (Olympic figure skater)
Lorraine Pascale (model, author and chef)
Dana Plato (actress)
Edgar Allen Poe (author)
Nicole “Snookie” Polizzi (TV personality)
Priscilla Presley (actress)
First Lady Nancy Reagan
Nicole Richie (TV personality)
First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt
Dave Thomas (founder of Wendy’s, children’s advocate)

There are so many great examples, I thought we could overlook these:

Nicole

Bill

and Snookie

But we still love them.

Visit this website for more on who has adopted or who chose adoption as birthparents.

I am disappointed that I couldn’t find a clip from The Office. I know Michael once asked Pam to look in to adoption for him. She then told him it could take a long time, possibly 6 months or a year. His response was, “Forget it, I don’t even know if I’ll want a baby in a year.” Epic scene, but I couldn’t find it. Hopefully you can laugh with me because you remember the scene I’m talking about.

So there you have it. Adoption is everywhere.

Were you adopted? Have you adopted? Are you considering adoption for your family? Do you know of any sitcoms or movies I missed?

Domestic v. Internacionale

This is where you start.

When you decide to adopt and are trying to get the process going, this is what you have to decide first. By the way, I’ll be wrong about a lot of statements like this because I am NOT an expert on adoption. Tye is really smart, but he isn’t either. Not yet.

When we were faced with this question, our response was “which kid needs a family most?”

That’s like asking which baby penguin is cuter?

Which cake is more delicious?

Or which newfie is more slobbery? Except that answer is Uncle Roger.

It’s all the same. Every child needs a home. It doesn’t matter where they are now, how old they are, what they look like. Every child needs a home. My friend Sara was instrumental in my realization of this. By “my realization” I mean she flat out told me that and then I agreed.

When you realize every kid needs someone to love them, I think it makes the decision more difficult. Now we’re back to the beginning. We don’t have anything to base our decision on. One day I prayed I would come home and find a baby on our doorstep (I still do sometimes). That would make these decisions so easy!

So now where to start? We’re facts people so we started here. Wikipedia.

This website called American Adoptions really does a great job of outlining domestic versus international adoptions.

With domestic adoption you have to think about relationships with the child’s birth-mother, your involvement in the pregnancy, open versus closed adoption, the age of the child, will you be involved in foster care or potentially adoption from a foster care program, etc.

With international adoption you have to think about your ability to travel, the availability (usually lack of availability) of a child’s medical records, re-adoption in the US, specific program requirements, etc.

And with both you have to think about waiting for paperwork and signatures, the possibility of your child spending some of his/her life being raised by other people, the difficulty the child may have adjusting into your home, the difficulty you may have adjusting to being a parent, and the possibility of something changing along the way and delaying the process.

Scary!

Me too, kid. Me too.

We have decided to adopt internationally. We based that decision on many things; the hold on domestic adoptions from the agency we initially were working with, the availability of foster care in the United States as well as services provided to underprivileged in our country, and the general assumption that our country is more wealthy than others. We felt that if we have the option to adopt internationally we should take it. Other families may not be able to do the traveling involved with international adoptions and other families may choose to be foster families for domestic children. Which, by the way, is awesome. Again, EVERY child needs a family. Temporary included.

We decided on international adoption because we think that is best for us. It is not the only way or the better way or the right way. Again, every child needs a home.

After that decision is made, the question of which country is next.

It’s super overwhelming. There are so many countries. 196 of them. Well, that is the “best” answer, apparently no one knows for sure (why don’t they know that?!).

Which country did we pick? I’ll tell you next time.

And Counting

This is the story of how we decided to adopt.

Adoption had been in the back of my mind as soon as I started to listen to friends describe delivering a baby. We all know there are many many children who do not have a home and what a great alternative to child birth!

When the time came to talk together about how to start a family, adoption was an option for both of us. We have good friends who were blazing the trail and able to answer many of our questions. There was an Adoption Sunday at our church where 5 couples who have or are in the process of adopting told their stories. After that day we felt a strong pull to consider adoption for our family. In an effort to not act spontaneously or act for the wrong reasons, we decided we wouldn’t talk about it for 4 months- not until after Christmas.

In the meantime we both prayed and did some research. When we came back to talk about what we thought, the answer was obvious and simple.

Why not? Why wouldn’t we bring a child into our home? Why wouldn’t we start our family by adopting a child, the same way we are adopted by Christ? Why not? We know we want to have kids, why not choose adoption to grow our family?

There are always reasons to doubt something like this can be possible. But really, compared to many things that happen every day, this is VERY possible.

We don’t have an awesome story about why we are choosing to adopt. It’s super normal and doesn’t need a flashy explanation. We hope that sharing this journey will make adoption more normal/common/usual/ordinary and even popular.

Let’s put orphanages out of business! In a good way.

Here’s a video of a really cool family that has inspired us.

I Like Adoption

Nice to meet you

I am Kali and my husband is Tye. We have a dog named Uncle Roger. We are The Eckerts.

Some bits about us:
– we love and follow Jesus
– we live in the Uptown neighborhood of Chicago
– we are newly weds (when do you stop saying that?)
– we like to eat (all), cook (Tye), bake (Kali), run (Kali), bike (Tye), drink water (Uncle Roger), lay in front of the air conditioner (Uncle Roger) and hang out in our community (all)

That’s enough for now, you’ll learn more as we go.

We started this blog to involve our family and friends in our adoption. More to come about that!