First of all, it’s so awesome to be writing this as Theo is sleeping in the pack and play on the other side of the same room! By the time I got to end he was here
Also, if you don’t care about how much I love my kid or what he looks like, scroll down to “The Most Important Part.” This is about my thoughts on international adoption. It’s why I started typing today.
This is my 6th day in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Tye left on Friday but was able to make Stu (we currently call him 3 different names; Theo, Restu and Stu) fall in love with him first.
When we landed on Tuesday we checked in to the guest house and went straight to the orphanage. We know the caregivers there are fantastic and do the best they can with what they have, but it was still a very sad place. We learned which kids were able to be adopted and which weren’t and which kids were sponsored and which weren’t. It was dark and chaotic and kids were begging for attention while caregivers worked tirelessly and joyfully to dress kids, bathe kids, feed kids, do their laundry and keep them safe. The kids all seemed really happy. They are being taken care of.
When we first met Restu he was eating. Which helped. This kid loves to eat. We walked in to the children’s home guided by Sister Lutgarda. She pointed out the room he would be in and showed us to the door. She said “there he is.” My eyes went straight for him. I didn’t see anything else. He could have been the only kid in that room. He was standing up at a table eating and there was his little profile. That was the only time I teared up. After that I was like “let’s do this, gimme that kid!”
They gave us mini chairs to sit on and let us feed him. I think he liked us right away because of the injera with cabbage and potatoes we were giving him. They also made us a bottle for him. They were so positive and helpful, giving us whatever we needed and making sure Restu felt comfortable.
By the way I’m still on Day 1 so this is going to be a long post.
We visited for a few hours and went up to a hallway to be alone. He didn’t hate us but he was obviously scared. He fell asleep a lot which we assumed was his exit response to the stress of two strangers staring at him kissing him and taking selfies with him. He could have also been tired . . . Here are some pictures of the first day.
We went back to the guest house after stocking up on pringles and soda at Safeway. We were so tired from the long trip but we just wanted to go back to see him every minute we had. We waited until the next day and went to see him first thing.
The second day visiting was better. We walked over to him and he smiled a little. He started staying awake longer and playing with us more. We caught glimpses of his personality and started to earn a little trust. We think he started to realize that when we were there we were only spending time with him. Only bringing toys to him. Only feeding him. Here are some pictures of Day 2.
The 3rd day was when we went to court and sat in front of the judge. He asked a few questions that were mostly asking if we’ve met him and still want to adopt him (uh, yeah more than ever), do we live in a diverse area (shout out to Uptown, Chi), and emphasizing that this is a very serious thing and we can’t bring him back (only to see how great his country is). We took it very seriously and were honored that someone would allow us to adopt this shy, independent and sweet child. After that we had to do some paperwork at the agency, then went straight back over to the orphanage to hang out with him again. This time he smiled more when we saw him and he stayed awake most of the time we were there. Then Tye had to say goodbye and I hoped I could pick him up the next day. And a picture.
We brought him that little caterpillar and he loved it. It helped to have a toy to associate us with I think.
Friday morning I went to his place as soon as I could. He was getting a bath when I got there which was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. We played for a few hours (there are two other families with kids at the same place. We played in the same room each time we visited. We’ve really bonded over our stories and getting to know each others’ kids!) and then got word that the court decrees were ready to be picked up. We all rushed over to the offices to get the papers and rushed back to the orphanage to get our kids. When I came back to get him, I looked around the room so see which crib he was in. We made eye contact at the same time and he LIT UP! I will never forget his face. For the first time, he was really excited to see me and I know he knew he was ours. Within a couple hours, I had full custody of Baby Theo. More pictures.
He slept the whole car ride and was still sleeping for a while when we came back to the guest house. He’s a sweaty little sleeper but I loved it. When he woke up he was just looking all around. I’m sure he was scared and confused and wondering where all his friends were. He didn’t cry, he just looked.
And then, he looked at me. And we both thought, “now what.” Soooooo, are you hungry? What’s your diaper situation? If you’re like me you need a couple minutes after you wake up so I’m just gonna feel this out and let you tell me what you want to do.”
That was Friday, today is Monday. We’re both alive and well. We’re having a blast. I beg for him to go to sleep and then can’t wait for him to wake up.
We have naps, eat together (his dad will be proud that he always takes everything bites), we have PT for stairs and gait training (he’s at about 10 steps and was only walking with support on Friday), we have play time with our friends who are also trying to get home with their son, we sing songs, we make faces, he copies everything I do, we watch The Lorax. He took a bath Saturday. He’s learned how to high five and is working on waving. He’s figured out how to get snacks (in and) out of that one way webbed toddler snack cup. We also do photo shoots.
The nights are a little harder because he has sores on his head that he scratches. He wakes up 2-5 times a night and will only fall back asleep on me. I’m not complaining. He’s a great kid and very brave, super fun to hang out with.
Done with the pictures.
The Most Important Part
I would like to think this was my mindset before I got here but I’m not sure I really thought about it. I just want to make this clear as we wrap up our adoption story (although in most ways this is just the beginning).
Ethiopia is beautiful, Addis Ababa is beautiful, this is a wonderful place that Theo should be proud to call his first home. I would be proud! We will teach him all about it.
We are not adopting Theo to take him out of a city with high poverty, drought, poor living conditions for many people. As we were driving around this week taking care of business this was so obvious to me. People work hard for very little. People are happy and they have what they need. The population I’m talking about lives more simply, focuses on caring for their families and getting their work done. And I’m certain their immune systems are much stronger than ours. We can learn a lot from the people in parts of the world that we would consider “impoverished.” People can and do thrive here and I want to be more like them.
Theo doesn’t need more possessions, more money, better clothes, a nicer house. He doesn’t need America. He needs a family. He could easily thrive here if he had a family. But he didn’t have a family, and now he does, and we live in America.
The end. And the beginning.
theeckerthouse 