It’s Happening

On Thursday morning I woke up to my alarm and checked my email while I was still in bed. This is a habit I’ve gotten into over the last few months. Constantly checking my email. Waiting for any information about our case moving forward.

There was an email from our case manager who is in Ethiopia right now and 9 hours ahead of us. It was just a generic “Hey Tye and Kali, as your court date will be assigned soon here is some information . . .” Communicating travel plans, setting up a driver, guest house, packing lists, getting a prescription for anxiety medication. I went to work and checked my email again.

That was when the most exciting and terrifying and wonderful email came. After just a few hours we got another update from our case manager who sounded as surprised as we were about to be. “It looks like you could be traveling very soon! I’ve requested a court date for December 1st or 3rd. Does that work for you?”

“Ooooooooo, ummmmm, shoot. No, actually, we’re busy those days. How about the next week?” Was not our reply.

“YESSSSSSSSSSSS! ABSOLUTELY! Either one would be great.” Was our reply.

The next day we received confirmation that we need to be in court in Ethiopia on December 3rd. Within an hour we had flights and a guest house booked.

And now,

time.

Is.

Standing.

Still.

In just over a week we will meet our son for the first time and our lives will change. I am assuming this is similar to pregnancy. You wait and wait and wait and wait for months and all of a sudden CONTRACTIONS! PUSHING! PEOPLE ALL UP IN THERE! DILATED TO 30 OR WHATEVER! A BABY! And now there is a little person counting on you for everything. Forever.

There have only been a couple other times in my life I’ve had this combination of feelings of nervous/anxious/excited. One was taking my exam for my PT license. For days leading up to the test I felt completely unprepared, pressured, and like if I moved the wrong way all of the information I needed would just fall out of my head.

In comparison, right now I feel completely unprepared, pressured, and like if I look at him the wrong way my child will hate me forever or I will just break him. I’ve heard of that happening.

What am I afraid of?

that he will cry / that he won’t eat / that he won’t sleep / that he will be too scared and I won’t be able to comfort him / that he will fall / him eating things he shouldn’t / he stops breathing / he hates me / he falls out a window / he doesn’t like any of the toys I brought / that he get’s lost / he cries during the whole flight and people know that he hates me / that he won’t like Happy Meals or dessert / Roger eats him / Roger knocks him over and he hates Roger / he doesn’t like his room / he can’t sleep / he’s scared and I can’t comfort him / because he hates me

I think all of this fear and anxiety is based on a realistic idea that he will be so scared. I would be, too. He’s going to be faced with a lot of changes and all I can do is love him and help him through it. I can help him to know that there is a family who has been waiting for and praying for and talking about him for months and they are ready to meet all of his basic needs and raise him to feel accepted and loved.

If Restu had a blog I think there would be titles like

Who are You and Where are You Taking Me?

 

Or

What Are You Trying to Feed Me?

 

Or

What. Is. THAT. And Why is it in Our House. And is it Going to Eat Me. (Roger)

 

Or

I Have to Sleep by MYSELF?: Where are all My Friends.

 

Happy Birthday, Stu.

Your actual name is Restu but we like to call you Stu. Restu was the first way we saw it. Since then we’ve also seen Ristu. One version we saw was Restu X.

Restu (we’ve been told) means blessing. Which is adorable because that’s what your nanny’s name is! I’ve never been able to find the meaning myself but someone told me it’s “blessing” and I’ll believe it until I go to Ethiopia for the first time and I can ask. Either way, you are a blessing.

So it was your birthday last week. Obviously we were very sad to not be with you. We’re sad about that most days. Since we found out about you we’ve wanted you to be with us all the time. Walking the dog, being with our friends and family, watch Netflix. We want you to be with us. When you do come home I’m thinking we’ll do more things that 1 year olds like- going to the park and laughing at repetitive games and taking naps and playing with colorful objects. But for now we mostly picture you doing things that we do. It’s just easier.

On your birthday our friends threw you a shower/birthday party.

I insisted on making your first birthday cake (one of the many things I will do for you that will have major significance to me and will probably not matter to you),

we played a shower game (when Tye beat me at being a parent), we made you a match game by painting wood pieces,

people wrote you messages in a book,

then we sang happy birthday and the kids blew out your candle. I think there’s a video somewhere that maybe someday you’ll want to watch.

When you’re young you won’t have a choice. I’ll make you watch it and tell you all about how we loved you and celebrated you before we met you. That we have amazing friends who were so excited to meet you they would sing “happy birthday” to you when you weren’t even there. That I redecorated the cake three times to try to make it perfect for a tiny stranger who will never see it in person (you will get to eat some of it because the mini part from the top is in our freezer and I think when you come home I’ll let you do whatever you want and eat all the sugar we have in the house because you’re so cute).

When you’re older, you can choose how often you want to read these few blog posts, look through our hundreds of emails in the folder labeled “Adoption”, hear the story of how we found you and traveled to meet you and bring you home, and watch your birthday video (Ashley, does that exist or no?? It’s just that I keep referencing it and maybe the video is irrelevant . . .). Maybe you won’t care much about it, but maybe it will help the tiniest bit for you to know that you are valued and wanted. We know we can’t do anything about your first few months on earth but we can give you a family now. Adopted or biological, young or old, we all need one.

I can’t wait for you to join our family and I can’t wait for you to meet everyone here who has been waiting for you! We will learn to be your parents no matter what you go through or how you handle what you’ve been dealt because we already love you more than we thought possible. And we won’t stop.

Happy birthday, Stu. Next year will be epic.

Oh and you get Roger’s room. He’s already moved out. He’s mad but he’ll get over it.

PS we’re finishing the PAIR process soon and are hoping for our first court date in Ethiopia to happen in the next couple of months. WE’RE COMING FOR YOU LITTLE MAN!!!!

PPS I made this for you with some of your party decorations.

And we’re pretty sure you have everything else you need so just . . . anytime now.

Approved!

Today we received our approval letter for our home study. Thank you, State of Illinois and The Department of Children and Family Services for deeming us suitable to raise children. We have good motives, strong values, and working fire and carbon monoxide alarms. We’re ready!

Thank you for asking us how the adoption process is going. We’re so glad to be able to say something other than, “we’re waiting for our home study to be approved.” Now we’re one step closer to meeting our child!

Next steps are:

– pray
– dossier (more paperwork/documents to send internationally)
– pray
– wait for a referral (“you’ve been paired with a child”)
– pray
– trip 1 to Ethiopia to meet out child, start in-country paperwork in court
– pray
– trip 2 to Ethiopia to bring him/her home
– pray
– learn how to be parents

This will continue to be a “hurry up and wait” situation. We’re (outwardly) keeping our cool for now.

Uncle Roger is going to be a great big brother. That’s him with our niece, Alayna.

And this is just my latte from Everybody’s Coffee this morning. You KNOW it’s going to be a good day when it starts with this.

 

Woohoo!

 

 

Prayers for the Orphans

We received an email last week from our adoption agency with some news about foreign adoption in Ethiopia. Without knowing much about who wrote the article or how it all started, I’ll give you the basics with some quotes:

“The House of Peoples’ Representatives and the Ministry of Women, Children and Youth urged stakeholders and the public to undertake integrated work to totally stop adoption of Ethiopian children by foreign families.

In a press conference, House Speaker Abadula Gemeda and the Minister Zenebu Tadesse told journalists that stakeholders should work closely to end foreign adoption.

Abadula urged the importance to give priority to use local means to raise orphaned children rather than giving them away to foreign families.

He suggested the importance to establish and support local NGOs which raise orphaned children with the close collaboration of the public.

Our agency told us about this as a heads up. Ethiopian adoptions are not closing today, but by the sounds of it people are pretty anxious to make it happen.

Our reaction:

Terrific!

Communities should be taking care of orphans. Countries should have facilities and programs in place that will allow orphaned children to not only survive, but to thrive.  We think facilities and programs that will allow children to feel loved as a family will love them and cared for as a family would care for them, to grow up in the country and culture in which they were born, is the best option.

Until these things can be established, we will pray for the children who are waiting. Waiting for parents who love them, for a safe place to grow and develop, to have dreams and live them out, to know that they are valued and have a purpose on this earth. We know the authorities making these decisions have the orphans in their best interest. Therefore, we pray foreign adoptions do not close until there is a plan for orphan care.

We aren’t worried about what this will mean for us. We know God has plans for us to adopt some child, somewhere. If He didn’t, this wouldn’t be on our hearts. Whether the child comes from Ethiopia, we don’t know.

We will continue the adoption process knowing one day we will have the kid in our home who was waiting for us as we were waiting for them.

Our update on the process:

First meeting with our social worker for the home study is this week!

Meanwhile, here is a super cute picture of Uncle Roger with his new puppy cousin, Cauliflower. Jan and I like to call her La Fleur.

Two Things About the Tree

1.) When the social worker comes to complete our home study I will tell him/her that Tye will be the best dad ever.

5 nights in a row I have asked for a Christmas tree. 4 nights I was turned down.

It’s too early. It’s too cold. I don’t want to. I’m tired.

Yesterday we went to get a tree. Not because Tye wanted to. He made it obvious that he doesn’t care if he ever sees a Christmas tree again, let alone set one up as a three-week long fixture in our apartment.

And yet, there we were. Velazquez Christmas Trees in Uptown, Chicago (support local business plug).

He didn’t do it right away, he made me wait for it. Not because he’s mean but because he knew the whole experience of going to that Jewel parking lot where the Velazquez brothers were waiting for us to spend too much money on a tree that began dying 3 days ago would be best if it had a least 5 days of build up, begging and pleading. And he was so right.

He tied that tree to the roof of our station wagon in 15 degree weather and carried it upstairs just because he knew how happy it would make me. He’s going to be a terrific dad. He makes everything better!

This is a just a picture of the part when I was praying a baby squirrel or bird would be rustling around in the tree and we would have a new pet. It would be like winning Lucky Tray Day in elementary school. Out of all the trees, WE got the one with rodent! No such luck. It’s a normal, boring, beautiful tree.

Uncle Roger was waiting for a rodent, too.

2.) Christmas Trees = Family

While I was decorating the tree I realized my favorite part is looking at our ornaments. I don’t care about the 200 piece ornament set we got at Costco last year, I’m talking about the really good ones. I think the reason I love Christmas trees so much is because they are full of family memories.

Last year we decided we’d get an ornament anytime we went somewhere together. At that point it was December 10th so I quick went online to catch up and ordered ornaments for 1) our wedding 2) our honeymoon 3) a trip to Vail for Tye’s work 4) one for Uncle Roger and 5) Chicago because that’s where we live. Since then we’ve picked up a couple more.

Here’s a view of the Eckert Collection so far:

When we’re 50 we’ll have all kinds of cheap, tacky, meaningful ornaments.

As I get more excited about Christmas I think about what our lives will be like when we have a kid to share it with. Holidays are always more fun with kids around! They love the lights, the snow, waiting for Santa, drinking hot chocolate, all of the things that adults usually overlook or over think. When was the last time I played in the snow for hours without caring about how cold I was? Or drank hot chocolate without thinking about the sugar content?

When we have a kid we’ll be getting “Our First Christmas” ornaments with baby booties on them (I know my grandma will make that). We’ll go to the Velazquez Tree Farm at Jewel and pick out a tree together. We’ll tell the kid why Christmas is so important and why we love him so much.

I can’t think of anything more exciting than that.

I know this child will be on my side about the Christmas tree. If not, I’ll be happy to say, “you got that from your dad.”

#uptownroger

I’m skipping around between adoption things and other life things. My friends at work said this could quickly become a dog blog. I’ll try not to let that happen.

In the post “Uncle Roger’s Tail” I ended by saying I would tell you how he got the hash tag #uptownroger. So this is the story.

The three of us moved to Uptown in April . . . May? April.

May.

We (I) was a little afraid because it isn’t the most safe neighborhood. It is “up and coming” but it isn’t up yet. It’s coming. Gangs are active right around the corner and I’m 90% sure I’ve seen 11 drug deals since we moved in. One day we were walking out of our apartment door and heard 10 or 12 consecutive shots fired from what we found out later was an assault rifle. That’s the day this happened.

But not to fear, Uncle Roger is here!

I was glad to have a big dog to walk around with in case I needed some protection. He’s very intimidating.

He once co-starred as Goliath alongside this guy, David.

That’s my mom and Dad’s yorkie. If you aren’t familiar with the story, read here.

I knew I was safe with my beast by my side walking around the dangerous streets of Uptown. No one would mess with me. I would feel shielded and keep barriers up between me and the scary people.

As we started walking around with this dog my idea of what his purpose was totally changed. I expected him to be a protector and keep a space between me and the people around me.

What I didn’t expect was this.

And this.

And this.

There are more but I’ll save them for later.

The point is, I was stupid. I thought Roger would protect us from people but he ended up helping us to meet our neighbors. He is a 130 pound ice breaker. We can hardly walk a block without talking to someone about him, someone talking to him, or us wiping slobber off of someone. Some of the people we would have thought were “scary” have been the nicest people we’ve met and I don’t know that we would have stopped to have a conversation unless he was walking with us. I did not need a protector. I needed a cool dog that opens doors for communication and friendship. He facilitates building relationships with the people in our neighborhood, which is exactly the reason we moved here! He was in the plan for us before we knew what the plan was.

When I started telling some friends about this new role he stepped into, one friend Alyssa said “He should have a hash tag. And it should be Uptown Roger.” I thought it was brilliant. There have been a few times when strangers want to take a picture of him or have me take their picture with him. Then I mention his hash tag.

I hope to have a collection of the different people we meet because of him. For now the collection is around 30 pictures taken by me, 10 by my sister-in-law, Jan, and 5 by Uncle Roger’s biggest love/hater, Sher. Maybe 2 from strangers. But it’s getting there.

This is a beautiful neighborhood full of beautiful people. We’ve only lived here for a few months but we’ve made great friends and are excited for what the next few years here bring us.

Someday I’ll learn more about the history of the neighborhood and teach you about it. Apparently it’s fascinating.

PS Isn’t the picture with that kid on the sidewalk the cutest? Go ahead, look again.

I will end with a quote that put me in check. Sher shared (I won’t say shared again after saying Sher) it one day and it has stuck with me.

“People may come to our communities because they want to serve the poor; they will only stay once they have discovered that they themselves are the poor.”

– Jean Vanier

Uncle Roger’s Tail

Yes, I’ve been planning that title for weeks. And yes, I think it’s hilarious.

That’s him at the farmer’s market. He likes to eat local. 

Roger is the coolest dog. Ever. That’s him with our little cousin, Elyce.

When Tye and I first started talking about what dog to get he suggested a Newfoundland. I fell in love after looking at a few google images and reading about water rescue.

These dogs are boss. Watch their helicopter jumping! 

Uncle Roger loves the dog beach. He isn’t jumping out of helicopters yet, but give him time. 

We picked up our puppy on a whim. Left one morning for church and ended up driving 4 hours north to Seidls Lakeview Ranch instead. Jan, Tye’s sister, played a major part in convincing Tye that day to go get a puppy. And she sat in the back seat with that stinky thing the whole way home. Mad props. 

The name.

Why Uncle Roger? Just because it’s funny. We were with some friends one night a few months before we picked him up. We told them what kind we wanted, told them about their personality and demeanor. Told them he would be big and hairy. Sara said “some of my friends were going to name their dog Uncle something.”

Perfect.

A while later Dave said “how about Roger?”

Boom. Dog name. The name was chosen before he was. And it’s so perfect.

 

 

 

Uncle Roger has been awesome. He is super slobbery, super hairy and sometimes uncontrollably large. But he’s awesome.

Next time I write about Roger I’ll tell you how much he loves Uptown and how he got the hash tag #uptownroger.

Nice to meet you

I am Kali and my husband is Tye. We have a dog named Uncle Roger. We are The Eckerts.

Some bits about us:
– we love and follow Jesus
– we live in the Uptown neighborhood of Chicago
– we are newly weds (when do you stop saying that?)
– we like to eat (all), cook (Tye), bake (Kali), run (Kali), bike (Tye), drink water (Uncle Roger), lay in front of the air conditioner (Uncle Roger) and hang out in our community (all)

That’s enough for now, you’ll learn more as we go.

We started this blog to involve our family and friends in our adoption. More to come about that!